At our smaller staff meeting today, it was evident that the changes are being felt by every staff member- not just me. Several co-workers have put their jobs on the line in part to defend me, in part to defend the things they also champion that they sense are changing. I'm a little afraid for them, but they've been on staff a long time and know the risk they are taking by speaking up. In a way, it's nice to know my friends care about me and trust my intuition.
It seems that there are three storms converging at once for my church: a financial crisis of significant proportions, an identity crisis involving the methodology of ministry and its impact on the church culture, and a structural reconfiguring.
Any church facing just one of those issues would be hard pressed, but having to deal with all three is enormous and I do not envy my lead pastor. What my site pastor told us today is to expect significant staff changes to be decided upon by the end of this month, communicated in March and implemented in April for the remainder of the fiscal year- August. Starting Sept 1, the staff will function in a totally new way.
The jobs of my immediate staff members are relatively secure, though it appears that the newly appointed "regional team" consisting of the lead pastor, the new worship director and the executive director have been interviewing possible replacements for either of the site pastors.
I think, given the time table above, I need to take the next three months to make a lot of observations- to concretely determine if the direction of our worship culture really is going as far down this different path that I fear it is- and by the beginning of the summer make a determination as to whether or not I am still called to be this church's worship leader. If not, I'd like to have the summer to set up the new worship leader for success- there would be a lot to transition, and for the sake of my many fantastic volunteers, I would want to do that to the best of my ability.
It is terrifying to think I might really be at the end of my career here at this church. It has been through so many ups and downs, as well as staff turnovers- and I have managed to stay right there with it, against many odds. It is a source of pride for me, for better and for worse, that I have seen this church through so much. We have made some great hiring choices and some very poor ones- and I feel a sense of pride that I have managed to hang on and continue to do my job through it all. It's a big pill for me to swallow to say that I may no longer be the right person here and that it's actually time for me to go, after all I've been through.
1 comment:
wow. i am reading this, and in the background, kenny is watching pirates of the carribean, at world's end.. not sure if you've seen it, but the music is quite dramatic and is going right along with this post. its kinda funny. but not in a rude way. it was just as intense as what i was reading. like a soundtrack for life that i always wish i had but never do. you know what i mean. i will continue to pray for you in this area. sounds like you have kinda made your decision? i mean, you can quit in your heart way before you quit on paper. i did that with zia for sure. love you.
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